just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize