I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
