i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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