that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
