Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
