I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
