so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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