Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
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