Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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