I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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