your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
