So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
