Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
