I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
