So drunk its hurt
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
