There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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