Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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