apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
