dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
