Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
