I hope mine doesn't look like that
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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