The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
