battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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