I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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