My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
