so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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