Jerry, you need to find god
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
