i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
