Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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