I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
