you guys were way drunker than both of me
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
