I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
