i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
