i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
