My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
