We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I think I just sharted jello shots
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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