Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
