She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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