I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
