Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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