Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
