Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
