You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Randomize
