I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
