hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
