Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
