brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
