PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
