I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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