from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Randomize
