Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
