So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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