I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
