Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
