WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
