Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
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