i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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