oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
