then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Church boner. Awkwardddd
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
