So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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