I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
