I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
