OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
