reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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