if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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