So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
