i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
