So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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