college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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