I'm going to jail i love you
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
