I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
thus making me awesome and them whores
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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