The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
