Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
