This is not my ceiling
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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