Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
MIDGETS
????
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
