Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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