those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
