I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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