I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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