sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
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