i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
