I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
