If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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