you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
