I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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