Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize