Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize