omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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