dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i will never coherently bang her
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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