bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
