so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
