I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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