Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
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