is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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