People with herpes should wear stickers.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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