What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
