what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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