I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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