no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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