Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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