woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
