My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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