At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
