Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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